


The spy films that happens in Kuroo's infirmary

by SIPSTEAS



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Assassins & Hitmen, M/M, Married Couple, Modern Assassins, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:21:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27788896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SIPSTEAS/pseuds/SIPSTEAS
Summary: Bokuto looked up at Kuroo with a serious expression before deflating back down on the back of the chair. A few moments of silence pass and by then Kuroo suspects Bokuto fell asleep before the white-haired man suddenly speaks up.“I think Keiji’s cheating on me.” The knife Kuroo was using to cut the apple flew out of his hands and landed on the ground. Kuroo cursed at that sight.Bokuto ignored the annoyed Kuroo and continued. “He hasn’t contacted me in three whole days and not to mention he’s going on a different business trip almost every few days.”“He’s just a busy businessman with a busy assassin husband.”orMrs and Mr smith Bokuaka but with less sexual tension and more just pure comedy from two idiots.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	The spy films that happens in Kuroo's infirmary

**Author's Note:**

> Like to tell everyone that Bokuto and Akaashi are their code names while koutarou and keiji are their real names.

1\. 

Bokuto ran into the infirmary while clutching his bleeding arm.

Kuroo, who was having the time of his life playing Genshin Impact (anyways send UID if you see this) jumped at the sight of his best friends running around trying to stop the bleeding. Getting off his stool he walked towards Bokuto while grabbing the medical supplies on the way.

“You’re fine, it’s just a scratch, no internal bleeding,” Kuroo said as he checked Bokuto’s arms one last time before finishing the bandaging. “What is with you Bokuto, if you bring this home to your dear Keiji he’s gonna be worried.”

Bokuto sighed before continuing. “I wanna leave this life behind and go live a simple life in a cottage or something with Keiji.” Bokuto said while touching his arms “But I have to be first in the missions to leave.” 

“You’re not the first this time?” Kuroo asked while fishing out his phone to check the leaderboard for missions. ‘It’s difficult being agents these days huh.’ Kuroo thought.

“It’s Akaashi.” Bokuto said while clenching his teeth.”You know if he wasn’t first every time I might just call him a mad man. He’s legit accepting missions like eating dinner. As long as it’s a mission he takes it which causes me to have to take every mission to beat him. Yet, I still can’t beat him.” Bokuto said, tightening his fist on his legs. 

Kuroo lifted his hand under his chin in thoughts. “I heard it’s because he wants to leave the organization too, apparently he’s married to a normal person. According to him, he’s pretty innocent. Has an office job in the cities.” 

“My Keiji is innocent too with an office job in the cities.” Bokuto said with a smirk while Kuroo’s face took a turn into a fake puking pose.”I can’t keep lying to Keiji, I must leave soon.” Touching the gun on his waist he continued “even if it means I’ll have to shoot that Akaashi in the head.”

2\. 

Akaashi walks in with a bleeding leg, trying to gain his balance while wobbling into the infirmary. 

Kuroo who was yet again (trying) to play Genshin catches the sight of the struggling Akaashi as he gets off his chair allowing Akaashi to sit on it instead. ‘This is familiar’ Kuroo thought as he cut open Akaashi’s pants at the bottom to see a rather large scar bleeding and soaking his black pants. 

“I need to rub alcohol on this. Might sting a bit.” Kuroo said with a straight face as he sprays the rubbing alcohol onto Akaashi’s bleeding legs. Akaashi’s eyebrows clutched at the stinging. 

“Kuroo-san, will I be able to recover in a few days?” Akaashi said with minimal words and in his ever so monotone voice. 

“What, you think you’re superman now? No way, this at least takes a few weeks.” Kuroo said, finishing the bandaging on Akaashi’s legs.

“It’s just you know how koutarou is, he’s gonna be worried when he sees me wobbling back from my office job.” Akaashi ended off with a sigh. 

Lifting his head from looking at his bleeding leg Akaashi continued “I’m being honest with you that I want to leave bad, koutarou is a simple person who works at a simple office job. I don’t want him to be involved with whatever bullshit I made.” Akaashi said with a serious face. 

“Can’t you leave? I mean like you’re always number one in missions.” Kuroo asked.

“Daichi told me I have to be leading second place by 5% more to be able to ask for a leave. That freaking Bokuto is catching up too fast. I barely have time to breathe at this point.” When mentioning Bokuto Akaashi’s fist clenched. “I heard he’s asking for leave too? No wonder he’s accepting almost every mission.” 

“Yea, he mentioned he wants to live a normal cottage life with his lover,” Kuroo said while nodding. 

“Everyone wants that and quite simply, I want that too.” Grabbing the knife by his waist he played around with it before continuing “I can’t keep lying to koutarou. I have to leave now.” 

Throwing the knife to the nearest wall he continued “even if it means I’ll have to stab Bokuto in the neck.” 

3\. 

Bokuto walked into the infirmary again with an annoyed expression. 

Kuroo who was peeling his apple looked up at the annoyed assassin and asked with a blank face “what’s with you.”

Bokuto didn’t say anything, instead, he grabbed the chair by the door and sat across from Kuroo. 

“Do you do therapy here too bro,” Bokuto asked laying on the back of the chair. 

“I don’t think it would be therapy with you, more of a mental hospital. Do you want me to chain you up pal?” Kuroo said with a low laugh and the knife in his hands moving faster to cut the apple.   
Bokuto looked up at Kuroo with a serious expression before deflating back down on the back of the chair. A few moments of silence pass and by then Kuroo suspects Bokuto fell asleep before the white-haired man suddenly speaks up. 

“I think Keiji’s cheating on me.” The knife Kuroo was using to cut the apple flew out of his hands and landed on the ground. Kuroo cursed at that sight. 

Bokuto ignored the annoyed Kuroo and continued. “He hasn’t contacted me in three whole days and not to mention he’s going on a different business trip almost every few days.”  
“He’s just a busy businessman with a busy assassin husband.” 

Bokuto started playing with the chair he’s sitting on by tilting it back and forth. “Ahhh I wanna leave the organization so badddd.” Bokuto whined “Fucking Akaashi stole my missions again tsk.” he said clicking his tongue.   
“Beat him up then and tell him who’s boss.”

“Don’t you think it’s funny? I never saw him before but we've been in the same organization for so long.” Bokuto said, staring up at the ceiling.   
“He’s kinda hot not gonna lie. I would date that if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s a married man.”

“I feel like he has some brain issues, who the fuck takes more than 6 missions a day.”  
“If he has some issues why are you the one in the infirmary whining.”

“My stomach hurts.”   
“There are some pills on my table, take it when you leave.”

“Is this gonna help my stomach ache?” Bokuto said staring at the no-name pill bottle  
“I don’t know but I know it’ll fix whatever loose screws you have in that nonexisting brain of yours.”

Bokuto ignored him and continued “I’m hungry.”  
Kuroo bit into his peeled apple and stared at him before saying “cafeteria is open, 2 doors to the right pal.” 

4.

Akaashi walked into the infirmary with a blank expression with a scrunched eyebrow. 

Kuroo hasn’t stopped peeling his orange. 

“What’s with that face Mr, emotionless.”

“Koutarou and I got in a fight.” Kuroo’s hands stopped at what Akaashi said. 

“I know it’s my fault for not talking to him more often because of the missions but can he at least be more understanding?” Akaashi said, pushing his hair back with annoyance. “It’s all fucking Bokuto’s fault. What’s with him trying to catch up so fast.” 

Kuroo took a bite in his orange, face scrunching at the sourness. 

“Kuroo-san have you met Bokuto.?”  
“Yea, slightly taller than you.”

“There’s no use being tall,” Akaashi said, rolling his eyes. “He’s still fucking pisses me off,” Akaashi said, rolling his temple with his fingers.

“What, your head hurts?” 

Akaashi sent him a death glance.

5\. 

Bokuto’s been sitting across Kuroo again in the infirmary for 15 minutes now. Kuroo finally had enough and broke the silence. 

“Stop staring. Keiji’s gonna get jealous.”

Bokuto ignored him again and finally sighed and said “I sent Akaashi a fighting invitation.”  
“K”

“We decided whoever loses stays and whoever wins gets to leave.”  
“K”

“Daichi approved of the invitation.”  
“K”

“It’s gonna take place in the infirmary.”  
“K-- WAIT.” Kuroo suddenly sits up and stares at Bokuto with wide eyes. “What does you two fighting have to do with me!!!”

“I’m here Kuroo-sa--”

“KEIJI”  
“KOUTAROU”

‘Oh that’s awkward, ' Kuroo thought, calming down and taking a sip of his newly brewed tea.

“YOU’RE AKAASHI”  
“YOU’RE BOKUTO.”

“Wait wait, you’re the Akaashi that almost blew my head off in my last mission.”  
“And you’re the Bokuto who also killed me by throwing a knife to my head?” 

“SO YOU WERE LYING ABOUT HAVING A BUSINESS TRIP TO CHICAGO”   
“AND YOU WERE LYING ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS TRIP TO ENGLAND.”

“Wait but koutarou needs me to hold his hands when crossing the road.”  
“And Keiji needs me to open water bottles for him.”

Kuroo sips his tea again.

6.

Have you ever seen assassins fight each other?  
Hella cool right. The flying knives and the perceived bullets. 

Have you ever seen a MARRIED assassin fight each other?  
Yea, Mrs, and Mr smith sexual tension.

Now the question is, have you seen Bokuto and Akaashi fight.

Kuroo sits by the bed staring with pain in his eyes as he watches his stuff gets thrown around by the two idiots.

Bokuto grabbed his journal and threw it at Akaashi while Akaashi grabbed the pencil on his desk and threw it like a knife at Bokuto only for the trained assassin to dodge it and the eraser part of the pencil landing right on Kuroo forehead. 

Clutching his fist Kuroo sat up with his teacup and screamed.

“ENOUGH!” 

Suddenly the room is filled with silence.

Kuroo sighed before continuing 

“If you two want to leave so bad I’ll file a report to Daichi that both of you bumped your heads in a mission and are now mentally unstable and file a permanent leave for you idiots.”

Akaashi and Bokuto stared at each other for a moment before looking towards kuroo.

“We’re not leaving now.”  
“We’re not leaving now.”

Akaashi continued “we’re both here now so why should we file a leave?”  
“Exactly, and if we leave, who's going to pay the bills.” Bokuto continued Akaashi’s sentence. 

Kuroo feels like choking both of them to death. 

“Then I’ll grab you guys some divorce papers and go play your enemies to lovers game.”

“How could you be so dark Kuroo, breaking us apart,” Bokuto said with a shocked face.

Kuroo felt his head throb for the first time ever.

“Leave, BOTH OF YOU GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE.”

7.

In the end, there were indeed some holes on the walls of Kuroo’s infirmary so the infirmary was shut down for a week for repair. 

When the infirmary reopened there was a huge sign at the front of the door for every passing agent to see.

“Infirmary: open. Bokuto and Akaashi: stay out.”

The end.


End file.
